Naked As We Came (2013) Gay Movie Review

Rating: 7.5/10

Quick & Nasty: I'd actually give this a higher rating (like an 8 or 8.5) for about 80% of the movie. It's well-acted, the picture is shot in such a clean way it just makes you want to drink from the storyline. The dialogue's great (except for a contrived moment where they just. had. to. get. the. title. into. the. movie) and the pace of the movie was just right (until the last few closing scenes). I think it's a great movie - just don't expect very much from the ending. I think it ended well, and I like how it was left hanging, but the pace at the end was just terrible. It's like spending 70 minutes on foreplay only to have the actual act finish in 2 minutes. Goddammit. Pace yourself.

Review
I think I'm in love with Ryan Vigilant.

He seems like the kind of white trash you could bring home to mommy because he'd flash her these deceptive puppy dog eyes and she'd go weak in the knees and pretend like she don't know he's bad for you. I like how he's the dysfunctional one with the power, but as the plot unwinds - you map out his insecurities, his desire for just another person to be there to bear witness that he exists. And to have that reversed and him watching as his mother writes the end of her chapter in a rather magnificent way... mmm. how delicious is this plot?

Capital Games (2013) gay movie review

Rating: 4/10

Quick & Nasty: Based on a popular novel, ex-cop and advertising maverick meets new colleague from over the pond. They're both straight at first, then not really, then they drive off into the sunset (hurrah for happy endings). Lots of angsty acting, weird cuts and terrible dialogue will probably erode much of the enjoyment you may derive from watching the beautiful men frolic onscreen. Yes, but do watch this for the cute men - I particularly like the gbf (gay best friend), Shane Keough, who apparently has been in one of 'em 'Real Housewives' franchises and is just sensational to look at. And I do confess to liking this one scene involving handcuffs (go figure)... but really, if you want to watch something with cops in it, Free Fall is still your best bet.

Review:
That this movie achieved an IMDB rating close to '6' is testament to the popularity of its writer, G A Hauser. My only other conclusion that I can draw from that is that a lot of her readers could do with a solid dose of gay cinema because this ain't worth the rating 6 (5.9, when I last checked).

The actors were beautiful - so thumbs up for the casting choices  - but it goes quite a ways downhill after the starting scene where the dishy Eric Presnell is jogging in LA. Some of the settings were incredible - but I think the movie was really let down by the filming. There is a distinct lack of ability in whoever had the ultimate say in how the final product looked. And that's a real pity. I've sat through many a gay movie with half-baked storylines and grating dialogue, and still walked out with an appreciation of the film because of how beautiful the scenes were. But this was not one of them.

Solo (2013) - Argentinian Gay Movie Review

Rating: 6.5/10

Quick & Nasty: this work may have performed better if the lighting and the subtitling had been stronger. The translation makes the dialogue seem really stilted, and it loses a level of authenticity. But I suspect much of the whining of the characters didn't get lost in translation - which is a little grating. However, it's definitely still worth the 77 minutes. Watch this gay movie for the hot boys making out. And, well, to be honest, the twist at the end isn't bad at all.

Review
I happened to stumble across this Argentinian gay movie on Youtube. And the funny thing was that I started off reading the comments before watching it. One particular gem caught my eye

'...I was really liking it up until it got crazy. This movie makes me distrust people even more... well, in this system that is crazed upon greed. I'm supposed to go to this guy's place tomorrow! Now, I'm going to be all freaked out. I might have to cancel now and lock myself up in my own room...'

That caught my attention... and in truth, I kept expecting the other shoe to drop the entire time watching the show - which makes for quite an intense experience. I think if I hadn't been clued in early on to this somewhat passable attempt at a thriller, I wouldn't have enjoyed this half as much. That said, the actors are beautiful men and the last two Argentinian gay movies I've watched were so restraint as to make me froth at the sight of these two men pash each other so fully. I kinda wanted a weird happy ending where they're this gay version of Bonnie and Clyde and then shoot off into the sunset. pew pew pew.

Nope. That didn't happen. But I think I'm developing a soft spot for Argentinian gay movies.

My main gripe is the lighting - it would've performed much better had it been more grittier and the lighting darker. Maybe this green wash over everything? Here's my suggestion:

The full movie can be seen in the video after the jump below:

Can we please have a Gay Astronaut Movie Now?

I was doing up the little Astronaut French Bulldog icon for the side of this blog yesterday when it hit me: there are a couple of movie genres that I'd love to see a gay story-line played out in. So if you're an up-coming director of gay movies, please find below my recipe for an instant classic:

1. Gay Spaceman / Astronaut Movie - and please, can we not have him fall in love with a male alien from the planet Uranus with horrid dialogue referencing floating jizz or something cheesy like that. I want one where they're in a spaceship and it's this hyper-masculine space with all the other astronauts, and they're finding ways to be together, all the while floating around, being philosophical. I even have a name for it - Outer Outer Space. Heck, I'd even settle for a play at the local community theatre.

In terms of the art direction, I'd go for something post-apocalyptic - like the works of my homeboy (yes, he's Melburnian) Jeremy Geddes: (love his work)

2. Gay Pirate Movie - although there is currently a pretty funny music video on this already:


It's filmed in one take, and Cosmo Jarvis is a right sexy lad eh? But the story in the song is very tight and the music deceptively light-hearted - the repeated line 'We deserve much better than we've had' is probably the story of every gay pirate out there. Well, maybe not Jack Sparrow - check out this article for an absolute rocker of a quote from Johnny Depp on his Pirates of the Carribean character.

So, I'm proposing that any movie that gets made on this have a decent happy ending. But the truth is, a more sinister plot leaps to mind.

You probably have seen the visually-arresting movie, Life of Pi (2012). I haven't. I think it's because I wanted to see it for so long before it came out that I kinda over-hyped it in my head and got over it before it was even released. But anyway, I've read the book and here's where it gets interesting:

Were the World Mine (2008) - Gay Movie Review

Rating - 9 / 10

The Quick & Nasty - A visually sumptuous and quite refreshing coming-of-age movie (with surprisingly good music). An update of 'A Midsummer's Night Dream'. Tanner Cohen is spectacular in this movie.

Review (spoilers ahead)

I had the good fortune of catching the film during the opening of Glamfest 2009 - when the world of gay boys singing in high schools wasn't a terrible, terrible cliche (oh how you've ruined this, Glee). But when you realise this gay high-school movie musical pre-dates Glee, a few things happen: (1) you wonder how Ryan Murphy could've neglected to utilise the phenomenal Tanner Cohen in his show. He would've danced rings around the current actor playing Kurt Hummel - and dammit, I would've loved seeing him make out with Darren Criss; (2) you get the sense of how novel this movie was when it came out - and an appreciation of how it has won so many audience awards; and (3) you wonder if it would be ruined with a sequel (yes, please! This time using 'Macbeth'! - can you imagine Lady MacBeth's 'unsex me' monologue? goosebumps I tell ya).

I know for the few who are still clinging on to the last season of Glee (or is it the second-last season of Glee?), the idea of a gay high-school musical movie may be all the reason you need to watch this. But for the rest of us, fear not - you won't be hit over the head with stilted dialogue and a rabidly performed song every five minutes. It's just a solid dose of moonshine that should be played at your Friday movie-night session with your gay posse before y'all head out, sloppily I might add, and somewhat giddily to your next destination. And you'll be surprised by how easily your cynicism gets dismantled.

Tanner Cohen dancing to Mika's "relax" is exactly how everyone should aspire to be every friggin' second of the year. In fact, it's almost as if Mika inspired the movie, from the blue sunbeam used on the promotional material for the film, to the long, lanky lead with dark hair. And then there's the music and the ultra-camp choreography... LOVED IT. (And you don't even need to like Shakespeare to get inoculated by its happy-clappy-ness!) It's not a movie you want to walk in with a whole load of expectations, but come on: a movie where the lead character, a boy taller than the whole football team who gets picked on for being gay... who then finds a love potion and uses it to turn the whole town gay.... COME ON! WHO wouldn't love it? The singing's not bad either. Oh wait, I'll just put the trailer here. WATCH IT:




Yum. Take two: